Communication breakdown is high on the list of why couples break up. If you don’t feel understood by your partner then you won’t feel heard. If your partner can’t understand what you need, your needs will not be met.
If your needs are not met you won’t be happy this can lead to break up. So please communicate effectively, it’s so critical. I have put together some basics below to help you.
What is important when communicating
The most critical part is listening AND, listening and understanding your partners intention behind his, or her words.
What couples tend to do, is put their own meanings on their partner words and then make their partners responsible for this new translation. You will hear couple who fight saying… “that’s not what I said” or “that’s not what I meant”.
It’s so frustration when anyone does this and you feel your being made out to be the bad guy.
- Never assume your partners intention is to try to hurt you.
- Never make your partner wrong.
- If you don’t understand your partners words ask for the underling intent.
- If your partner is communicating they are wanting their needs met, discover which ones.
- Men: If your partner wants to talk, just listen, more than that, look her in the eyes and listen so she knows you are present. Whatever she is feeling she wants to share that with you. You may want to fix her problem, don’t unless she asks.
- Women: Men will usually have an attention span of about 10 minutes, especially if he has nothing to fix, any longer will frustrate him. One of the reasons he struggles is he is looking for a point to the conversation so he can fix the problem. Women don’t communicate this way so he gets lost in all her words and fears he will fail her.
- Men: If she gets upset what’s important is not the words, whats important is how she feels. If she is upset she feels pain, so help her with her pain. Don’t get hurt by her words, she wants love and understanding, that why she upset.
- If your man is quiet he is having a wonderful time!
- If your woman is quiet there is a problem!
- The key is understanding how each other works. Men’s communication is very direct, a womans is indirect. If the window is open and the temperature is dropping, she might say… “it’s getting cold in here!” and man would say ” It’s cold please close the window” To a woman her words are obvious, to a man it’s not 100% clear.
Another story I share with my clients is one I heard, but can’t remember where from…
A couple are on a motorway and he is driving. She spots a sign that says “motorway services quarter of a mile” she turns to him and says, “are you hungry darling” he smiles back to her and says “NO!” and drives past the motorway services.
He can’t understand then why she has become volcanic and he’s a selfish @*?”$^… You get the picture!
I hope this helps a little, happy chatting….