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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“You can’t leave your wife until you know this”

Unless you have learnt how to understand and fill up your partner with what they really need you simply can’t leave that relationship safe in the knowledge you have done all you can.

So it’s critical for people who are struggling in an unhappy relationship to really understand the complexity of why they are in trouble before they put themselves and their family through painful changes.

One lady came to me after running the same destructive pattern in 3 long-term relationships without knowing.

She was now 57 and about to give up on love until she learnt her behavioural patterns were never going to meet her own needs and would stop her meeting any man’s needs.

She was shocked and stunned at such a waste of her life and really sad she probably should have stayed with her first husband who she had 2 children with.

People whose needs are not met will naturally move towards what will meet their core needs and for many, they do this without thought so they are blind to what’s really happening to them.

For some people who are not getting what they need in their relationship, they will gravitate to meeting their needs through their work or kids and for some that can be someone new.

When someone feels stuck in a marriage that’s not meeting their needs they will be backed into a corner to meet their own critical needs the only way they know how and this can look to their partner like withdrawal, criticism or controlling behaviours to name a few destructive patterns.

Essentially unhappy people in relationships are people who have lost the connection they need with themselves and their partner so they feel they can’t stay in that relationship for life.

In contrast, happy people essentially love how they feel about themselves when they are with their partner and unhappy people are in a needs deficit and naturally won’t feel happy.

My point in today’s post is a needs deficit which is one of the problems at the root of so many couples struggles and can be easily be solved once you know how.

What’s interesting about understanding needs is many people don’t know how to communicate what they need or they communicate the wrong information.

Look at this example: How many men in crisis suddenly become more domesticated to help her around the home hoping this will help her fall back in love with him.

Just so you know this will save her time but will not reconnect her to who she needs to be to fall back in love him again.

One couple came in and both didn’t know that meeting their partners’ needs was something they should have been doing.

I sit in session after session helping individuals understand what they really need and then show them how to communicate those needs to their partner so they understand them.

The model I keep seeing is people are unhappy their needs are not met and they really have no idea what their needs really are but are quick to be upset if they are not met.

One gentleman came to see me absolutely convinced he should leave his wife. I could see he was a great guy but very lost and about to make a terrible mistake.

I told him “You can’t leave your wife until you know this”

When he learnt how much pain his wife had been in by understanding her core needs had not been met by him his resentment turned into empathy and this gave us a platform to help them reconnect.

My clients learn how to make a very complex situation simple to understand and fix, but there is always a strategy and a plan.

I love working with people who are passionate to gain the simple solutions to what they are seeing is complex and impossible problems.

I don’t believe everyone should be fixed, but I do believe couples have a duty to themselves and their family to really understand their real relationship problems to maximise their chance of staying together to build a win-win dynamic.

 

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"In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress."

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Stop bickering and arguing – Mini Post
  • “Why your marriage may not be broken”
  • “Never attach your meanings to your partner’s words and actions!” – Mini Post
  • “Living with a problem partner” – Mini post
  • “Never be a dream killer” – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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