Couples that want their relationship to last have to become a team. This is important because if you’re not a team you can’t plan your relationship experience to be the way you both need it to be to stay happy. If you can’t plan your relationship then you’re in danger of not sharing the same journey and goals and this can cause real problems.
If you’re not sharing the same vision of how to experience the journey towards an agreed future please expect a significant challenge, as you read on you’ll discover why…
I have yet to meet a couple who really have a plan. I have met couples that think they have a plan and when pushed they crumble within minutes.
When a couple doesn’t plan their relationship what happens is they end up living with what feels like separate lives.
One example: What if their purpose for being together is only the children? What happens when the children leave home? Of course the relationship loses it’s purpose.
Being a team means having a plan you can both agree on and utilising your individual strengths to ensure the couple are supporting each other on their journey through life together. Most couples are firmly focused on each other weaknesses and so they chip away at the foundations of the relationship until they have no foundation, no compelling future and so no reason to stay in the relationship.
Having a plan does not just mean we want a house, kids a few holidays a year a nice car and to retire at 65, or 50.
Having plan covers the experiences the couple want to share on their journey through life together. You see both people have to be free to act true to what they value through the life of their relationship.
They also have to reflect those values in how they meet their needs.
If both people do have differing values and vehicles for meeting their needs and they can’t see the strengths in their differences then of course they can’t be a team and will start to fight.
Many people feel that being happy is their goal, but have no real idea of how to achieve that with their partner through the life time of their relationship.
I can stress enough, having a compelling journey and vision gives the relationship real purpose everyday and for the future.
When most couples first come for help what I will see is their future has disappeared especially for the person who thinks the relationship is over.
Not being able to connect to a future that’s exciting creates fear. So a key part of the relationship puzzle is to create a journey and future you can both get excited about.
So if you are both working hard every day you actually know why and you do it as part of the team to support your common purpose and not with feelings of resentment.
So what is the purpose of your relationship? Do you really share the same vision for how to experience your life together which grows and connects you?