20 Relationship Facts Most People Don’t Know Are Damaging

Below is a list of challenges many people are not aware of that can have a profound affect on the quality of their relationship. It’s not in any kind of order so I wonder how many you are aware of.

1. If you protect yourself from the person you married the love will slowly die, this because you can’t love your partner and protect yourself from them at the same time.

2. Many women criticise their husbands because they think their husband will hear them and change. Criticism for men creates emotional distance from their wife, not a desire to change in the way she wants.

3. When women in relationships enter rage at their husbands they can communicate every wrong (in her mind) he has ever done, she can put it in the most hurtful way and not let it go. Men hear this this as an attack he has to protect himself from.

The reality for many women this is her pain talking as she tries to connect with him so this is not the attack he thinks it is – she is looking for his help to feel safe and loved again.

4. Most couples problems are symptoms of a deeper issues in either the individual(s) or the couples dynamic. This is why so many couples go round in circles.

5. Men and women are so different it’s like they are a totally different species: The way they think, act, problem solve, communicate. This is why judgement of each other creates so much distance as each person can feel misrepresented and untrusted.

6. It’s critical to learn how to have conflict and grow closer. You’re supposed to disagree and have different ideas, but you must use these differences as a means to learn and grow together. This doesn’t mean bury the problems, it means deal with them so both people can let them go.

7. It’s very dangerous to bring up the end of the relationship unless you mean it. It essential makes both peoples minds look at that possibility and sets a self-protection process running.

8. To all men a quiet woman doesn’t always mean she happy. Check in with her as her silence could be a message to you that she’s not happy and needs your help or support.

9. Men generally mean what they say. They don’t usually have other agendas. E.G. So when a man says “shall I put the dinner on?” He’s not criticising her for not putting the dinner on for him.

10. It’s critical to become what you say is important. The problem most people face is they can’t trust themselves to become what they say is important. The impact of this is they feel bad and then blame their relationship or their partner.

11. No one can jump into your brain and make you feel anything. It’s true someone can trigger you, but the trigger is all someone can be. Once triggered the persons brain then takes over and that’s that persons responsibility.

12. Leading on from No.11 many people are not aware that we do our emotions to ourselves. It is totally possible to choose our emotions it’s just for the most we have never been shown how, or know it’s even possible.

13. Many people create smaller problems to avoid connecting to deeper more painful ones this is why couples go round in circles with each other. They usually don’t know they are doing this.

14. You must design your relationship. So why are you together? What’s your purpose and what are you both excited by? Couples that do this have a greater chance of staying together as they both have an exciting future in their mind so it’s a reason to be together even when the relationship breaks – which it will.

15. It’s so important to free your partner to be who they really are. Those that don’t feel free can become depressed and exhausted, or the part that being suppressed will come out and take over them. If this happens it can feel to onlookers like the person has totally changed personality. Some might call this midlife crisis.

16. Building successful relationships is a skills based activity. On the whole nature takes care of powerful attraction chemicals when the couple firsts meet. Once those chemicals wear off and they will, the couple then have to engage those chemicals through their behaviours. Most people don’t know how to do this and so the relationship suffers.

17. The relationships that suffer the most are the ones where the individuals make themselves and their own needs most important. Relationship are contribution based activities and it’s not about you.

18. Men if you try to use you logic to solve a problem with your wife you’ll probably find it doesn’t help or it gets worse.

That’s because women’s logic is totally different to mens. Recent client said to me why do I not know this? Him knowing this instantly created a more powerful connection with a wife that was thinking of leaving him as she felt so alone.

19. Most men are unaware that their mission is to protect his wife both physical and emotionally. Physically most men will do it, emotionally most men are lost, primarily because he doesn’t understand her. I wouldn’t expect him to understand because he’s never been female so he won’t naturally know – but he can learn if he wants to.

It is in his interest to learn as this knowledge is a powerful bridge to lasting passion and sexual connection.

20. Make your relationship your priority. I have invested my whole life in making sure I understand relationships because they affect everything especially when they go wrong.

I don’t believe that if we let nature take it’s course couples relationships naturally work for life. This is why skills are needed to bridge that gap between men and women to help them both be totally free to be themselves in their relationship.

Free of fear and engaged with living life to the full stronger together than they are apart.

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.