When I really understood what this meant my life totally changed forever and is foundational in my clients transformation(s). You see the act of moving away from what you don’t want (unhappiness) does not necessarily move you towards what you do want.
In fact the act of moving away from what we don’t want “our fears” is highly likely to make those fears come true.
One lady came to me last year, she had discovered that her husband had been having an affair. When I asked her about the relationship from her perspective she told me this was her biggest fear.
She said she knew this would happen. She knew he would have an affair.
I asked her how did she think that focus had affected her relationship with him. She said she lived in fear every day and so she held back in the relationship to protect herself.
So worried that she would lose her husband to another woman, she had deprived her husband of the love that he really needed.
When I spoke to him he told me he really thought she didn’t love him that’s why an affair became a possibility for him. He didn’t want to leave her, but he couldn’t find a way to feel good with her, she wouldn’t let him in.
This example is a very common behavioural pattern, especially in relationships. You see one of the most profound emotional pains a human can inflict on themselves is the act of withholding their own love.
All of my clients learn that when they don’t act in alignment to what they say is important they will create their own pain for themselves. After all if you can’t act true to what YOU say is important who are you?
Acting with integrity to what we personally believe in is foundational to our identity, so if for example you value love and passion then becoming loving and passionate will align you to what you say is important. Withholding those important values will only create your own pain.
I really hope you are seeing todays message the foundations to living a successful life is NOT to live it avoiding unhappiness. Living successfully is very simple it’s the process of focusing on what you really want and taking action towards that.
You see the real pleasure in life comes from the ability to grow and you can’t grow unless you understand how to become valuable to what’s important to you.
In terms of relationships the only way to grow one successfully is to learn how to add value to it. One of the keys to achieving that growth is learning how to let go and love without fear a profound challenge for many.
Remember, “avoiding unhappiness is not the road to happiness” the most successful people in life are firmly focused on what they really want and what has to happen for them to achieve it. These people grow through asking the right questions and learning.
This again is a problem for many people they are afraid to wish for what they really want, because they are fearful they won’t, or can’t achieve it.
This philosophy is self-fulfilling because it’s foundations are in unhappiness and fear. This thinking stops them from ever learning how to get the life they want so they don’t learn how to add value, and they don’t grow.
If we get down to the basics of life the only real difference between successful and unsuccessful people is the way they think.
What’s great about this is everyone can learn how to think differently and change the trajectory of their lives forever.
When my clients learn how new thinking can transform their relationship they quickly become curious about how changing their thinking could affect other areas of their life.
My hope is this information today will make you curious about your own focus and the possibility of empowering your life through rejecting your fears and learning how to embracing the life you really want.
So what do you really want?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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