When I came to Stephen I was in an awful state because I had separated from my partner and child. I knew we had made mistakes in this regard, but I could not get her back. I was calling her many times a day but all that did was make her want to avoid me.
When I approached Stephen I was trying to heal a broken relationship and I didn’t have the skills or experience to do it. I was trying to understand why things went wrong for me, and for us as a family. What Stephen did initially was he worked on improving my state, showing me change techniques. He pointed out that I had made crucial decisions in my life in a fear state, when I was in no fit state to make them.
His next item was to look at what we could change in myself. Together we listed my values, the things in life that are important to me. The key here is that by hitting my values in my actions I am making myself happy. His approach brought focus to my life that was lacking theretofore. I realized that one can be happy in life, no matter what one’s circumstances are.
I find my values evolve as I practice them. For instance, security was my top value when I started working with Stephen, on my latest values list it is down at number 15, and love is my top value.
Through our work I recognized that my actions were sometimes counter-productive to the kind of life I wanted to have (and person I wanted to be). They came from â€œsplit personalitiesâ€ developed during times of my life when those traits helped me survive. In the present day they had me wanting to do one thing but doing another. I was able to identify and give up my unwanted personality traits. The key question that arises is â€œwhat kind of person do I need to be in order to be happy?â€
Being coached by Stephen is like having a big brother, or a wise friend, who is experienced in relationships and psychology. He counselled me calmly when I felt distressed. He is available for a call or email, which was especially helpful when I was feeling down, confused or didn’t know what to do in a specific relationship situation. With this â€œhands-onâ€ approach, he coaches me through events I find personally challenging alone.
Stephen is very good at focusing on blockages in my life and making me see them in a new light, until I find ways through them, giving a win-win solution. For example I realized that I did not need to do things I felt I ought to do because I had always done them that way, thus freeing me. And I realized my blueprint for a happy life could be changed and I would be no less happy.
I find his techniques practical and structured. He provides me with life coaching as well as relationship coaching, since they are intertwined. His approach takes me past what I think I want, to help me identify what I really want. In the end it calls for giving my partner unconditional love and giving her what she needs.
After counselling with Stephen I am well on my way to having a much better relationship with my partner and son and being a much happier, better focused human being.
Message from Stephen Hedger
When we discover the true versions of ourselves, our lives can change dramatically. This client has made a massive shift in just 8 weeks. He listened and practiced what he learnt and his result is clear. You too can create dramatic changes no matter what has happened. Remember is not the changing that takes the time, it’s the deciding when it’s safe to change is what holds you back.
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