How to Be Rich!

As a coach I am interested in all areas of improvement from heath to wealth. What I find is how the methods used to help people become financially free and healthier are the same foundational principles that I use to help people create better relationships.

So in principal if you understand one then the foundations are in place to understand them all.

What are the barriers to success

So what are the key areas that will block people from creating wealth and fitness that are totally in line with why couples are blocked from creating successful relationships.

1. Fear

2. Cynicism

3. Laziness

4. Bad Habits

5. Arrogance

1. Fear

Anyone that is experiencing relationship problems is going to be in fear that the future will not be the way they want it to be. This fear creates poor states that disable the person from acting in a way that creates growth for themselves and the relationship. In this place the person can feel disconnected and dislike who they are becoming.

2. Cynicism

Couples can become cynical about their relationship because they feel that over the years they have collected enough proof the relationship is wrong. Of course with two people in fear, feeling disconnected with who they really are, the couple start to feel the relationship has changed from when they first met and they are no longer compatible.

3. Laziness

People become lazy because they can’t see a way forward. They lose motivation when they don’t get the results they want fast. Instead of looking for new answers they keep repeating the old ones, hoping that a new change in their partner will happen. This never works so they stop putting effort in and they become lazy.

4. Bad Habits

Habits get learnt through a persons life and if they are taught how to create relationship by those that are equally lost (their parents), then the foundations are too weak to hold a relationship together. They become their bad habits without knowing and bit by bit they destroy the relationship in their quest to save it.

5. Arrogance

What then happens is the person with years of distorted perceptions of themselves and their relationship think they understand their problems. In reality they are a million miles away from their truth. So they blame everyone else for their problems and think they know best. Most won’t seek help and even if they do they are just going through the motions. What they usually want is for me to change their partner because it’s their fault.

So if you want to be rich in all that life has to offer then overcoming all the above has to be the focus. You see it is easy to find everything that wrong in a relationship and end it anyone can do that, it’s not until a person has had many failed relationships that they start to ask themselves where does the real problem sit.

Many of course chose through fear to not ask this question decide to forget relationships altogether and live life alone. For them it is better to be alone and right, at least that way they are safe.

Of course they are not safe because inside them sits the proof that really they were never enough and they are not loved.

So what is the truth for you? Is now the time to understand and set yourself free?

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.


  1. The problem is so many men won’t accept things could be different and so won’t take the next step. Women are probably better at seeking help and being prepared to challenge the status quo.

    Of the 3 marriage break-ups I’ve observed recently all 3 men were 100% convinced they were right to ‘walk’ and wouldn’t even tolerate or listen to any suggestion that maybe they could be wrong.

    So are men more arrogant than women? Are they less likely to listen and challenge their views? And if so where has this almost cast-iron arrogant belief come from? Is it because their places of work are cultivating this belief?

    Business meetings these days are almost held as competitions – the one who gets their point of view in first is more important. The one who gets their idea adopted gets the kudos.

    Instead of actually developing ideas so often these days it’s the idea of the one who talks over others, interrupts and pushes on regardless that ‘wins’. When actually by allowing freedom of ideas and discussion and respect for other people, a better solution might have been found.

    So given this business pattern are men (and some women) bringing that home and using the same methods in their relationships? If so no wonder so many flounder

    Are we all becoming just too competitive?

    • Stephen Hedger says:

      Thank you for your comment. The patterns of behaviour are created from childhood and are enforced through life.

      So if someone discovers a pattern of behaviour that equals success. For example: at work they can adopt that pattern in their relationship.

      Of course this never works, it alienates their partner, their partner is not an employee or work mate.

      This causes confusion. One man said why do I get on with all the women in the office so well yet I can’t get on with my wife, what’s wrong with her?

      He has used the same model of behaviour and so is convinced she is the problem.

      She compalins at the way she is treated, so he stays longer at work because at least he is successful.

      She becomes fed up with the relationship and it dies.

  2. Many of course chose through fear to not ask this question decide to forget relationships altogether and live life alone. For them it is better to be alone and right, at least that way they are safe.

    Of course they are not safe because inside them sits the proof that really they were never enough and they are not loved.

    That is also what’s so sad – because they were/are loved but they don’t allow themselves to be loved and to love in return. As a result they miss out on so much.

    So how to get them to see you and really involve themselves in your process? That’s the million dollar question!

  3. Stephen Hedger says:

    Getting them there is a challenge. Leverage is the usual tool where you create something far bigger and more importnat than them to them as the cost of not taking action.

    When I get couples in session and one pereson is clearly not interested in taking part I use this strategy to motivate them.

    For example their children are powerful motivators. At this point I take the pressure off the relationship and focus on helping the individuals feel safe again with themselves. From this point they feel safer to work with their partner to find out their truth.

    In essence you need to create more pain to not coming then they will come.