I don’t like who I am when I’m with you

This is a very common complaint for people who are in relationships that are not working. What these people experience is a shift in their identity. Just to magnify their problems in this new identity life will also not feel it the way it should be.

So if life feels it’s not the way it should be and they have lost a sense of themselves life is going to feel very wrong and they are going to want to move away from it.

What’s important is if you are in a relationship and this is happening to you please be aware that you could be drawn into making a life changing decision that’s being influenced by your fears.

To make a decision that makes sense and is safer you are better off reclaiming the true essence of who you are and then evaluate your relationship from that position.

I see many people in fear making mistakes that end up hurting themselves and for many hurting those they love because they are wrongly seduced by what they feel.

This shift in identity happens when a relationship starts to feel wrong and the person has to cope with feelings that their partner either doesn’t care, or is not secure in some way.

Their focus changes from love, and fun to self protection. This change of focus is now responsible for that persons feelings.

This is critical to understand, what we feel is created by what we focus on. In other words we create our own feelings.

So a person who’s feeling their partner is not loving in the way they want will start to focus their energy into self protection and pulling love away. They will practice this over and over until they become so skilled at doing it automatically they will then detach from their partner.

This is why it’s so important to learn how to support each other. Most couples are not aware of how to do this. They do what they think and they don’t have enough information to be successful.

If this is you or you see this in your partner then it’s going to be very difficult to get to your answers without help. So please don’t wait for a few relationships to go wrong and you have lost your best years before you connect with this pattern in you.

To your success Stephen Hedger

Related posts:

  1. What’s my role in my life and am I living my true identity?
  2. I feel detached from my partner, what is happening to me?

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