Masterclass series Part 6: What you don’t know will hurt you…

One of the hardest lessons our life brings us, is the lessons we didn’t know we had to learn until it’s too late. When those lessons land they can affects our lives and those we love forever.

Intimate relationships is one of those areas of life that has the habit of bringing horribly hard lessons that can seem so difficult to understand and impossible to second guess.

Far too many couples are totally unaware of the types of behaviours they are using every day that are leading them into serious problems. Sadly when their problems start to land they simply don’t have the skills, or understanding to deal with those problems successfully.

Couples who have attended my Relationship Masterclass learnt how to avoid the most serious hidden problems, and what they both have to do if these problems ever do strike.

Below are a some examples:

Couples don’t know how to feed their relationship
Couples don’t feed their relationship what it really needs to survive. Life takes over and the individual or individuals don’t notice their relationship is starving and dying.

Couples create energies that either kill or build relationships.
Couples are not aware of the importance of how their individual and combined energy in the relationship will affect their outcome together.

Couples hear what they think their partner is saying.
Couples don’t know how to really hear what their partner is saying to them, so they both miss critical messages.

Individuals who want to be right usually end up alone.
Couples who are so focused on being right will find their relationship really difficult to live with and many are totally unaware of how this will eventually collapse their relationship.

Self-protection can kill a relationships love.
Individuals who protect themselves from being hurt in their relationship are unaware that this focus has the ultimate ability to shut the person down emotionally. This can leave them feeling they don’t love their partner.

Individuals can make themselves feel bad and then blame their relationship.
Individuals who don’t live true to what they say is important will create bad feelings within themselves that they can attach to their relationship.

Are you living your history today?
An individuals history can play a significant role in a relationship, many relationships/families are paying the price for the suffering a person endured in their own history.

Avoiding conflict detaches coupes and kills their sexual energy.
Avoiding conflict can kill the energy in the relationship and has the potential to seriously affect connection both emotionally and sexually.

You can never bury a problem.
Burying problems will not make problems go away. I see 20-30 year old problems still alive in relationships affecting their every day lives.

You will never understand your partner from your own perspective.
Far too many individuals in relationships are totally unaware of how different they are. They try to use their own logic to understand their partner. Any person that uses their own logic to understand their partner will always be wrong.

Never try to make your partner like you, ever!
Many men want their wives to become less emotional and many wives want more emotion. It’s important the person isn’t made to change to be someone they are not and are encouraged to become more of who they really are.

Never lose yourself in your relationship.
Individuals that lose their identity in their relationship will become unhappy, experience low moods, become exhausted, so could want to spend more time away from the relationship to be themselves again.

If you help your partner to feel bad about themselves – expect problems.
Individuals that help their partner to feel bad about themselves through, complaining and criticism will be destroying their relationship.

Relationships never stay the same so it’s critical to plan for success.
Couples who don’t plan their relationship suffer because both people will be on different pages as each life stage unfolds. This causes problems. It’s so much easier to leave someone if there is no future to lose.

Couples who hold back in their relationship will always have problems.
This is because couples create mirrored behaviours. So if one person stops giving love or attention the other will follow in some way. The result is the couple never experience the true depth of their relationship and so letting it go can be easier for them.

Your problems are not your real problems.
The problems most couple face are created because of a deeper challenge in the relationship. Solving the surface problem will never deal with the real issue. This is why so many couples go round in circles.

“Controlling” kills sexual connection.
Controlling behaviours shut down sexual connection and loss of sexual connection causes relationship breakdown.

There is a very specific dynamic that allows sexual connection to thrive.
Men and women will create a dynamic that for them creates sexual connection, but they won’t know how they did it. So they will lose it at some point and become lost unaware of how to recreate it. Many will assume the relationship has died, this is not true.

You have to create a great relationship with yourself.
Many individuals leave relationships because they feel they have lost connection with their partner totally unaware they they have actually lost connection with themselves in the relationship. This leads many people to regretting a divorce they instigated.

These few golden nuggets of information are a fraction of what I’m sharing with couples I work with.

This is the last post in the Relationship Masterclass Series.

I hope you have enjoyed reading as much as I have enjoyed creating it for you.

Next Tuesday 21st of April all the couples on the early bird list will be invited to work with me 1-on-1 in Harley Street. Remember the spaces are limited because I only open up this up 1-2 times a year.

To be on the list please click here

 

 

 

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.