“You NEVER listen to what I say!” “That’s because you’re IMPOSSIBLE to please!”

Round and round they go pushing each others buttons, testing their love for each other, dying a little each time conflict strikes. Confused by their partners actions they either test some more which equals more conflict, or they shut down holding back their true feelings to protect the relationship.

Neither works to build a successful relationship and love turns to confusion, then to resentment and ends up with a lack of respect for each other. They blame each other, but they don’t really know what’s going on on, all they know is they are unhappy.

When the foundations of any relationship are weak, fear is then running that relationship.

What I find interesting is that when individuals enter a relationship many have chosen their current partner based on their past fears. Many will know this deep down, this could be due to poor parenting, traumatic experiences growing up, all combined with the life lessons provided by society – look at the divorce rate and you’ll get the picture.

That means that fear was the driver behind why they chose their partner initially without knowing.

So what are the core foundations in a relationship?

Most people would assume the answer is in core values such as trust, love, integrity, whilst this is true the answer is much simpler. The true foundations, the pillars that support the relationship are the two people in it.

If the pillars (the individuals) are weak emotionally for whatever reason then supporting the growth of the relationship becomes a real challenge for the couple.

Those weaknesses can come out when the individuals are met with the stress that ignites those past fears.

Two of the biggest fears that humans face is the fear of not being loved and the fear that they are not enough. There are many other fears, but in the end they all lead to those two fears.

So what has to be the goal in successfully rebuilding any relationship? The answer is to understand the fears that drive the person to behave in ways which ultimately hurts them.

Most people don’t go in to relationships and marriages with the goal of failure.

But they do fail in their thousands and they don’t understand why.

  • Are you lost in your relationship? Do you need answers?
About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.