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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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4 Stages for Helping Couples Out of Their Crisis

Today I going to share the 4 stage structure a person has to go through to create changes for themselves and their relationship.

Step 1. Unconscious Incompetence 
Step 2. Conscious Incompetence 
Step 3. Conscious Competence 
Step 4. Unconscious Competence

Step 1. Unconscious Incompetence 

This is the stage where the couple are unaware of what they don’t know.

Too many people think that what they know is all there is and this can lead them into repetitive stressful situations with each other.

They are usually doing their best to muddle through their problems because their knowledge is limited, but they are unaware of this.

Most will struggle unaware of what they are really dealing with and will go round in circles many can assume they are incompatible.

So it leads some to actually end their relationship totally misunderstanding the situation they are in.

Some people can sit in Step 1 though many years and many relationships.

Until a person becomes open to understanding what they cannot see they will never move to the next critical stage 2.

Step 2. Conscious Incompetence

This is where they start to see what has been hidden in their relationship all along.

They start to understand why they have been struggling as a light is now shinning on all the information they were missing from the very first day they met.

They will discover what they didn’t know about their relationship with themselves how to take control of it.

The person can start to connect to what their partners’ world looks like and how to get the best out of themselves and their partner.

They will see why they have been naturally disconnected.

Step 3. Conscious Competence 

This is where the person has learnt the root of their problems and now wants to test the theory.

They are now taking action consciously to discover the impact of a fresh approach to their problems.

This is a critical step for couples as they focus on their relationship, but this time in a way that creates connection and growth plus individual self-connection on both sides.

They are learning what works and why, but this time with their eyes opened to understanding the skills needed to effectively reconnect.

Step 4. Unconscious Competence

This is the step where the repetition of these new actions based on their new understanding is now forming a new pattern.

The pattern is a behaviour a person takes action without thought, 90%+ of our behaviours are run this way.

The difference is this time the pattern has been consciously designed to be effective and so enables a far easier connection.

This last step helps couples to now find their relationship far easier to be in, plus the pattern enables each person to become positive influencers for each other.

In tomorrow’s post, I’m going to expand on this topic so you can see why so many couples struggle.

  • You discover why by using this 4 step process I will never initially put two people in a room to discuss their problems.
  • Why what someone feels they may not accurately tell us what is really going on.
  • Why so many really don’t understand their own needs and so leave their partner guessing and failing.
  • About
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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Why You Love Each Other But Don’t Want Each Other - June 19, 2025
  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE” - June 17, 2025
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem? - June 13, 2025

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

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  • “Your Marriage is On FIRE”
  • What If Everything You’re Trying to Fix… Isn’t the Problem?
  • FREE Coaching: 5 Days to Clarity in Your Marriage
  • Helping Women Understand Their Husbands

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Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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