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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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A Thought for Sunday 😨

An interesting discovery about “relationship fears” is they can become self-fulfilling.

Imagine a person who is worried that they are not enough for their partner and are fearful they won’t be loved.

This person can become concerned their relationship will fail due to this fear/belief.

What some people will do to avoid the pain of not being enough is withdraw to protect themselves from the fear/belief of their partner leaving them.

The process of withdrawing means the relationship is no longer being fed what it needs to survive by that person and as a result, the relationship will naturally start to die.

The problem with relationship fears is they are powerful and most people are doing anything they can to avoid them.

Avoiding the fears gives the person the illusion they are moving towards pleasure, relief or something better for them – they might feel more in control, but…

…they are not in control at all because the behaviors a fear creates does not add any value to the relationship, it only destroys or erodes it!

How fears become powerful

What they don’t see is there has to be a focus on their fears (consciously or subconsciously) to move away from the fear. So the fear is not only kept alive it is also the persons’ consistent focus.

If anyone gives something a focus they’ll give it power and a practiced focus creates an automatic behavioral pattern – which is an action that happens without conscious thought.

I knew he would have an affair

Look at this lady’s fear, the decision she made was based on her irrational fear and belief of all men.

She told me at the start of their marriage she knew her husband would have an affair, the husband never knew of this fear.

Her father had many affairs and she saw the affect on her mother so she braced herself for the same fate.

Through fear of this belief, she withdrew emotionally in her marriage and 11 years later he did have an affair.

Ironically she seemed so delighted she was right until she heard her husbands perspective.

I asked him why he had an affair, he told me he had lived 11 years without love from a woman he adored, but in the end, the love that never came back had been so painful the moment he was shown love he felt powerless to reject it.

In many cases what people think equals self-protection is driven by their fears and it creates the very fear they set out to avoid.

Below are some solutions people might use to avoid their relationship fears, unfortunately, none of them work.

  • Some people use depression or use problems to protect themselves.
  • Some focus on work or kids.
  • Some people use anger.
  • Some are overly controlling
  • Some people buy things, but it does not create emotional growth.
  • Some people become highly critical of their partner.
  • Some withhold intimacy.
  • Some emotionally detach.
  • Some emotionally/sexually connect with others.
  • Some devalue themselves to please.

Whenever a person creates a relationship fear they must become aware of it and create a more constructive way of irradiating their fears and getting what they want.

Note: Any solution must connect them to who they are or the solution will never last.

Category iconA thought for Sunday,  Marriage Coaching

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to ourĀ situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

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Please Save Our Marriage! This was the first email I recieved from Darren and Sue, they were at breaking point. When they first entered my clinic you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. This was a couple with young children on the edge, breaking up seemed like the only option open to them… Sue […]

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Today’s post is a little different. I wanted to share with you a clients words about his experience of the pain of his divorce and the process of rebuilding him and his future. Over to him… The words hit me like a hammer ~ ā€œThere’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken, you never were. […]

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November 3, 2019 By Stephen Hedger

What you are about to read is about is a gentleman in turmoil. He thought he had lost the girl he loved and his one-year-old son. She had left him and this connected him to his core fears, emotions that were powerful enough to sabotage him from getting the very thing he wanted. As his […]

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ā€œFree Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guideā€:

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for saving marriages from divorce through his tailored Marriage Breakthrough Program.


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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  • A Thought for Sunday

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