Since I started writing this blog in 2010 my mission has always been to help people in relationship stress become curious about why their marriage is in trouble because the foundations of disconnect can be highly complex.
Something interesting is happening which is why I’m writing to you today.
You see I started writing this blog because I wanted people to look deeper into the nature of their disconnect rather than staying focused on the surface problem which is where people stay stuck.
Surface problems or symptoms as I call them always cause couples problems because if they try to fix a symptom the problems will only get worse primarily because it’s the wrong problem to fix.
It’s like running out of petrol and your solution to this problem is more air in the tyres ridiculous I know but it’s how I see what people are doing to try to fix their own marriage.
So I have been writing thinking that individuals would read and take some of what they needed from each post.
Many people write to me with messages of gratitude telling me the posts feel very relevant to their problems and each post has something new to convey.
What I have never shared is I write specifically so both people will take something very different from each post.
You see my method of writing is I write one post for two very different brains knowing both minds will take something very different from my message.
I use one post to share a different message with each perspective in mind. The message to your partner will be hidden from you as you are not designed to see it.
It’s why couples go around in circles, you see knowing both perspectives it’s what I’m using to help couples reconnect.
I help those individuals see what I see.
So here is the unexpected bit…
I wasn’t expecting couples to read and share their perspectives on what I write together.
I had wrongly assumed people would read them privately and I’m sure many do, but I’m now hearing many couples are reading them together and discussing what I’m teaching.
So this is amazing, but there is also a problem hence today’s post.
The problem is each person is not designed to take the same message away from the posts I write and this is on purpose.
So when you do discuss what you read you will both translate what I write very differently, please know this is normal.
Each translation isn’t right or wrong it’s just naturally different.
What you need to learn and understand to be able to rebuild your connection is to be able to ultimately understand your partner’s very different perspective which is hidden from you.
But to achieve that you have to have the right perspective from your own side first which is what the posts are designed to do.
This is why every couple that comes for my help will start their process with individual sessions first.
You see they have to be trained to understand their partner before they can ever enter a couples session.
Untrained people in couples sessions tend to run their conflict patterns which I don’t allow as they are unhelpful and only serve to make the connection worse.
So if you are a couple discussing these posts please know your partners’ different perspective is not wrong they are simply picking up what I have designed to help them which will be different from the message I have designed for you.
Helping you see your partners’ perspective the way they see it, does take one-on-one training because it won’t ever happen naturally.
These posts are designed to get you the first step towards easier, happier and more passionate connections.
The job is to take a very complex subject and make it simple to navigate, but there is no escaping it to grow you will have to learn.