When we look at all the critical elements that relationships need, SEX is pretty high on the list. Sex can also be really challenging because the balance needed to create and maintain it in a relationship is very specific. Most couples are unaware of this balance, and so problems begin to appear without them knowing.
Without a healthy sex life, any relationship is potentially relegated to the status of friends; this status in the relationship can cause resentment on some level that can ultimately kill the relationship.
As you read through this post, you will start to discover the biggest cause of sexual problems in relationships.
Lack of sex in a relationship is a major cause of relationship breakups! So, if this is becoming a problem for you and you want to keep your relationship, you have to know two key things.
- What has caused the sex to die?
- What actions do we need to take to get it back?
I know from my sessions there is a lot of couples who, have done nothing wrong, no affairs, no abuse and no arguments life has just flicked by, life is normal, work, house, kids, bills. Bit by bit, their relationship had been dying, and they were unaware.
They don’t notice the problems at first because life is so busy, but some things can shock them. Last year, one lady knew her relationship was not right. She loved her husband, but how she felt about him had changed. She said, “…but relationships change, don’t they? ”
This stranger ignited feelings, and it scared her!
One day whilst out she suddenly felt a huge draw of sexual energy in her towards another man. These feelings frightened her, she did nothing about it, but it woke her up to the reality of the lack of passion in her relationship.
Her relationship had been sexually dead for years.
Historically she didn’t think this worried her, but this sudden and exciting new sexual energy in her as a reaction to this stranger was something she wanted back in her life.
This situation is really common, people outside of our relationships are making a real effort to market themselves to us and our partners all the time. A lot of people are doing their best to show off their best bits to the world… if you know what I mean!
BUT most people don’t want to have affairs, so what they attempt to do is get their sex lives going again.
The challenge is their core problem is still there, the problem that killed their sex life initially, but now they are trying to have sex despite the problem. What they discover is that it feels wrong, almost mechanical. This can also be physically painful for some.
So a short burst of activity can simply die again.
So, what caused the sexual death in this relationship?
The answer is simple: There was no energy, no polarity, no sexual tension, no playfulness, and most of all, no security in the way she needed it. The trust had gone that they could create an exciting future together. Life together was predictable and dull!
Everything they needed to create sexual energy to flow, they did in reverse. They thought a lack of arguments was a good thing. If they did argue, he would always try to please her, but in such a weak way she would stop seeing him as a man. So she gave up arguing and just nagged him like she did the kids. As soon as she knew she could control him through his weakness, he became one of the kids for her.
He was becoming less attractive by the day to her, but she was to him too. They traded with each other to get what they wanted and this killed their desire for each other.
- Horror! They became comfortable with each other!
Bit by bit, she had become the man in the relationship, so she disconnected the feminine energy with her to cope. He, as a result, had lost his masculine energy, and the real him had died.
He gave up his masculinity because he wanted to please her; that’s how much he loved her! BUT loving her this way, he was losing her.
After all if he was no longer the man in her relationship who was looking after her. She had no choice she had to get strong.
The day her sexual energy was ignited by this other man was because she felt this stranger’s masculine energy and strength, and for a moment, she connected with her true self, igniting all that had laid dormant in her for years.
If her husband became a man for her again in the way she needed, her sexual energy for him would return, too.
Understanding creates the key to dissolving the fears and igniting the truth.
- Has this struck a chord with you? Has your passion died?
If so, please get in touch! The solutions are simple when you know how!
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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