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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“They are out of control and they don’t know they are”!

Most people I meet who are in a marital crisis are out of control of their emotions.

Understandably, the potential loss of a marriage and a family is a very worrying time, so it is naturally emotionally volatile.

The mission must be to help these people gain control of their emotions so they can act based on intelligence rather than react to their fear system, which wants them to either run or fight.

To be fair, most people don’t even consider their emotions until they start to experience constant feelings they don’t like or want.

What I see is people are, on the whole reactive to their emotions, totally unaware they are out of control of their emotional selves.

Example: A person will have an emotion, and without thought, they act out a pattern they have designed for those types of situations.

Most patterns are designed by a person without thought as they grow up.

Many people keep running the same patterns even though they can see it isn’t working.

People end up being their own worst enemy, yet they don’t see it.

We do our emotions to ourselves

As part of a person’s personal empowerment, I have to help my clients understand that we do our emotions to ourselves.

I’ll say it again; we do our emotions to ourselves.

No one has the power to run into our mind and create our feelings for us.

To many, this is a revelation.

Many people love to blame others for their feelings. To them, the blame feels good it makes others responsible, but the problem is it makes the other person have control/power over them.

I say take back control.

Just imagine having a feeling you don’t want, knowing you have the power to change that feeling to the one you do want.

I hear so many clients tell me their partner made them feel bad.

The problem with this sentence is they simply don’t have that power.

All a person can create in another person is a triggered response, the person being triggered creates every emotion that follows from that trigger.

This is why we can see people act in very different ways after being triggered by the same thing – you will see these differences happen clearly in an emergency situation.

The worry for couples in relationships is that if two people are leading their marriage and family and yet they are both emotionally reactive, who is driving?

In many cases, I see a couple who have practiced for years triggering each other, making themselves feel bad and then blame the other.

This process is highly destructive, and it triggers in most a self-protective energy, which is a connection killer.

The problem for a person who has practiced reacting to their emotions unaware they could change them to more resourceful ones.

They can want to leave a relationship because they have spent years making themselves feel bad, yet they blame their partner for how they have been feeling.

This is how people take their old problems into new relationships.

They think leaving their partner and finding someone new will be the fix.

In many cases, I see a person wanting to leave their spouse because they turned them into something they didn’t like.

I see masculine men who are unaware of how their wives’ emotional needs need to be met and this turns their wives into masculine energy as they are forced to look after their own emotional needs.

He then might complain she is cold, aggressive, miserable no fun to be around.

How can she be fun if she can’t be her true self around him?

The problem is he’s likely to turn the next girl into the same masculine energy until he sees his part.

How about the overly controlling woman who turns her husband into her servant only to complain he is weak.

She can leave him and control the next man ready to give himself up to love her.

The key to stopping the cycle of unhelpful patterns is to gain control over destructive reactive emotions and replace them with ones that will take you to a future that makes sense to you.

I show my clients how fast a feeling can change.

Many believe this takes time to change feelings.

In my experience, the time is taken up by the fear of making the change; the feeling can shift in an instant.

So my advice is this:-

Life is about experiencing the feelings you want.

If you don’t know how to create those feelings or feel others have power over your feelings, how will the life you want ever happen?

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching,  Personal Development

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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