• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

New Clients: +44 (0)845 519 4808

Existing Clients +44 (0)20 3793 2829

Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

  • Get The Book
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
    • FAQ
  • Clients Success
  • About
  • Blog
    • Marriage Blueprint
    • Saving a Marriage Alone
    • Communication problems
    • Infidelity
    • Loss of Love
    • Loss of Passion
    • Separation Divorce

“They are out of control and they don’t know they are”!

Most people I meet who are in a marital crisis are out of control of their emotions.

Understandably, the potential loss of a marriage and a family is a very worrying time, so it is naturally emotionally volatile.

The mission must be to help these people gain control of their emotions so they can act based on intelligence rather than react to their fear system, which wants them to either run or fight.

To be fair, most people don’t even consider their emotions until they start to experience constant feelings they don’t like or want.

What I see is people are, on the whole reactive to their emotions, totally unaware they are out of control of their emotional selves.

Example: A person will have an emotion, and without thought, they act out a pattern they have designed for those types of situations.

Most patterns are designed by a person without thought as they grow up.

Many people keep running the same patterns even though they can see it isn’t working.

People end up being their own worst enemy, yet they don’t see it.

We do our emotions to ourselves

As part of a person’s personal empowerment, I have to help my clients understand that we do our emotions to ourselves.

I’ll say it again; we do our emotions to ourselves.

No one has the power to run into our mind and create our feelings for us.

To many, this is a revelation.

Many people love to blame others for their feelings. To them, the blame feels good it makes others responsible, but the problem is it makes the other person have control/power over them.

I say take back control.

Just imagine having a feeling you don’t want, knowing you have the power to change that feeling to the one you do want.

I hear so many clients tell me their partner made them feel bad.

The problem with this sentence is they simply don’t have that power.

All a person can create in another person is a triggered response, the person being triggered creates every emotion that follows from that trigger.

This is why we can see people act in very different ways after being triggered by the same thing – you will see these differences happen clearly in an emergency situation.

The worry for couples in relationships is that if two people are leading their marriage and family and yet they are both emotionally reactive, who is driving?

In many cases, I see a couple who have practiced for years triggering each other, making themselves feel bad and then blame the other.

This process is highly destructive, and it triggers in most a self-protective energy, which is a connection killer.

The problem for a person who has practiced reacting to their emotions unaware they could change them to more resourceful ones.

They can want to leave a relationship because they have spent years making themselves feel bad, yet they blame their partner for how they have been feeling.

This is how people take their old problems into new relationships.

They think leaving their partner and finding someone new will be the fix.

In many cases, I see a person wanting to leave their spouse because they turned them into something they didn’t like.

I see masculine men who are unaware of how their wives’ emotional needs need to be met and this turns their wives into masculine energy as they are forced to look after their own emotional needs.

He then might complain she is cold, aggressive, miserable no fun to be around.

How can she be fun if she can’t be her true self around him?

The problem is he’s likely to turn the next girl into the same masculine energy until he sees his part.

How about the overly controlling woman who turns her husband into her servant only to complain he is weak.

She can leave him and control the next man ready to give himself up to love her.

The key to stopping the cycle of unhelpful patterns is to gain control over destructive reactive emotions and replace them with ones that will take you to a future that makes sense to you.

I show my clients how fast a feeling can change.

Many believe this takes time to change feelings.

In my experience, the time is taken up by the fear of making the change; the feeling can shift in an instant.

So my advice is this:-

Life is about experiencing the feelings you want.

If you don’t know how to create those feelings or feel others have power over your feelings, how will the life you want ever happen?

  • About
  • Latest Posts
Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages? - July 8, 2025
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?” - July 5, 2025
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It. - July 2, 2025

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Marriage Coaching,  Personal Development

The Marriage Breakthrough

"Follow simple yet powerful steps designed to save and reignite a marriage fast no matter what has happened"
Or call us now on 0845 519 4808
"Click to Claim Your FREE Consultation Now!"

Recent Posts

  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages?
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?

Over 1300 Relationship Articles



Categories

  • 5C Marriage Blueprint (5)
    • Chemistry (1)
    • Clarity (1)
    • Communication (2)
    • Compassion (1)
    • Core (1)
  • A thought for Sunday (29)
  • Case Studies (2)
  • Communication (71)
  • Destructive Patterns (138)
  • Discussion (2)
  • Infidelity-Affairs (42)
  • Loss of Love (44)
  • Loss of passion (34)
  • Lost Attraction (22)
  • Marriage Coaching (445)
  • Marriage Mastery Assessment (1)
  • Masculine & Feminine (10)
  • Mini Posts (3)
  • Monday Breakthrough (2)
  • Personal Development (106)
  • Rebuilding trust (39)
  • Relationship Stories (25)
  • Retirement Crisis (6)
  • Save Marriage Alone (44)
  • Separation & Divorce (34)
  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts (54)
  • Stuck (9)
  • Testimonials (59)
  • Top 10 Popular Posts (12)
  • Uncategorized (750)

Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

  • Women are struggling, but men don’t understand why
  • Built an Empire and lost a Family
  • Marriage in Limbo
  • Rebuilding Connection & Trust
  • Divorce Regret
  • Divorce Prevention
  • Resentment Stacking
  • 36 Principles For Success
  • My Wife is Aggressive
  • A Wise Old Man's Decision
  • I was in tears
  • Tourtured by the past

Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Footer

Expert Help Available Worldwide via Zoom

For assistance from Stephen, contact his team at:

📞 +44 (0)845 519 4808



Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF
United Kingdom



Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

  • Marriage Counselling Alternative
  • Cloe Hedger (Stephen’s wife)
  • Marriage Breakthrough Program
  • Individual Coaching
  • About
  • Clients Success Stories
  • Explore 1,300+ FREE life changing articles
  • FREE Marriage in Crisis Guide
  • FAQs
  • Private Diagnostic Marriage Assessment

Recent Posts

  • What If You Knew the Exact Mistakes That Destroy Marriages?
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

Apply For Help Here Now...

Terms & Privacy Policy      Copyright © 2025 StephenHedger.com. All rights reserved. Company No.08279028    Return to top