Two years ago a lady came to my session with a problem. She didn’t know which man to choose. This is not an isolated case which is why I wanted to share it.
Many men and women over the years have sought my thoughts on this very problem.
She was married and was having an affair.
Each man gave her something very different, but neither man gave her everything she needed.
So she came to me to get the answer.
My advice was she was asking the wrong question.
The which man is the best question will only keep her stuck.
You see for her to be in this place the relationship to question is the one with herself.
With the affair partners, she could never commit to them because she was married, they were married or they lived in a different country.
With these men, she could let go and be herself and still be in control with no commitments.
With her husband, she couldn’t commit fully to him because that would make her too vulnerable.
So her problem was her fear of fully committing to anyone and this told us her relationship with herself was the real problem so we started there.
So without knowing she had created an unsafe problem for herself in her quest to feel safe.
She would never feel fulfilled all the time she let her fears run her relationships.
So I had to show her how to embrace vulnerability in a way that made her stronger and safer.